Online Dating…I Don’t Think So!🤔

WARNING: If you are offended by use of the F’ word, please read no further. It is used quite extensively throughout this blog!

A close friend of mine has been single for a while and after being on a few too many solo holidays has decided that it’s time to actively seek a mate. She was talking about online dating and I said, well in theory at least, if people are really honest (mmm…theres a flaw already, haha!) there’s a good chance of ending up with someone compatible.

Not that I’m considering this currently, as to be honest, I’m quite enjoying the reprieve of being single and actually getting to know myself a bit better…And I’m not sure if I would ever go down the internet dating route myself (although I’ve learnt to never say never as it appears to activate some kind of Divine Satyr that goes out of its way to prove the opposite of whatever you are never’ing)…But it did make me consider, what would I put on the application form, what would be on my desirable list for a future mate if I was being really, really, really honest, which left me a little amused and Joy is always worth sharing…

Apparently, due to the laws of Manifestation, its good to get really clear and very specific on these things and speak of them as if they already exist, haha…so here goes….Future mate, Thank you for:

1. Believing in Faeries and Magick so I’m not met with, “I suppose the fucking Faeries told you”…Well yes they fucking did actually!
2. Being honest, kind and not afraid to hear or speak the Truth…Which solves any problems that may arise in number 1.
3. Being clean…Generally haha!..But here meaning free of addictions. It’s fucking horrible trying to have a relationship with someone that’s either off the planet or stinks of fags and beer. It’s not attractive and in my experience not conducive to healthy communications or relationships. Sort that shit out. Life is precious, be Present for it or you might miss the gifts it’s trying to offer you.
4. Being sensitive to energy and having at least a normal degree of Empathy…Narcissists you can fuck right off.
5. Being considerate when I get overwhelmed by Empathic and sensory overload (It happens sometimes)… And be ok with the fact that the remedy to this is simply a little solitary downtime. Don’t take it personally. I’m not special but I have special needs as we all do. I’ll be happy to consider your needs too.
6. Liking hugs nearly as much as fresh air…and tender as well as passionate kisses…and spooning. Who doesn’t like spooning.
7. Being open to a mutually supportive and nurturing relationship…The only game playing will happen in the bedroom! Talking of which…
8. Enjoying sex…Being good at it or willing to learn the ways of a Woman if you haven’t worked it out already. I swear half the worlds problems would disappear overnight if men learnt how to respect, value and properly please their woman in the bedroom. I guess it works the other way around too! There’s a lot of sexually frustrated people out there. Value and appreciate your partners peeps and you might just get your mojo back.
9. Being willing to experience intimacy in and out of the bedroom. I would like to experience at least a hint of the Sacred in my relationship. If you can’t Trust your Beloved enough to share your hopes and fears with them then go get some therapy so you can.
10. Being man enough to cry if there’s tears to be shed. It’s a healthy human response for men as well as woman. Never be afraid of tears.
11. Liking water and watersports…preferably Wakeskating and Stand Up Paddleboarding…It’s fun to have someone to play with and share life with!
12. Having a healthy work/play balance. It’s difficult to have a healthy relationship when one partner is at work 24/7. If that’s you, get help before its too late. Dysfunctional independence is not healthy for relationships or business.
13. Liking adventures and being happy to hang out in Bluey (my camper), and… not essential as I have RAC (although not sure I’ve got any tow credits left!!) but basic mechanical skills would come in handy too.
14. Having a reasonable dress sense, funky fresh with your own unique style and knowing when it’s time to ditch or darn your socks. What is it with men and holey socks?…
15. Liking soul, acid jazz, funk and dancing. These things have been missing from my life for far too long.
16. Liking boats….And being able and willing to help me navigate one as I haven’t got a fucking clue!
17. Practicing Yoga and Meditation or at least sincerely being open to trying such things (especially when in pain and it will help!) and not just saying your into it or you want to get into it when you really just want to get in ones pants. They’re such a big and beneficial part of my life and purpose and I want to share them with someone that appreciates that.
18. Being encouraging in word and deed. This is a really important one. Humour is essential. But you need to understand I rarely get jokes and you may need to patiently explain them to me. If you won’t do this and need me to validate your jokes…well…it ain’t gonna work is it. Oh and…Facetious fuckwits may not apply (Oops I nearly sounded like one myself!)
19. Being musical and or creative in some way so we can motivate, inspire and help each other bring out our creative talents.
20. Ideally being vegetarian…it’s just easier.
21. Having a sense of fun, adventure, respect of Nature, and wanting to contribute to this world by showing up authentically and supporting conscious cOMmUNITY.

That’s not too much to ask…is it?

Looking at my list I may have to resign myself to becoming a village spinster cat lady…I fear the Faeries may be the easy part!!! Oops I’m not supposed to say that am I. I’m supposed to be imagining what it would feel like to already be in that relationship Now. Mmmm…interesting…I have a very big smile. So maybe I’ll just say Thank you Universe for this lovely, kind, honest, funny, funky sober man (whom I reiterate, I am in no hurry to manifest!) and Thank you Universe for all the loving, nurturing and supportive relationships I already have in my life of which I am very Blessed.

Oh and I nearly forgot, (well I did actually and had to be reminded)…

22. Being financially in credit would be a bonus!

I was, I confess, a little reluctant to post this. I actually wrote it on the last full moon as this happened to be when the conversation occured (shaking head at myself, what was I thinking?!) But those that I have previously shared it with had such a giggle (one lady nearly fell off her ladder laughing!) and they keep bugging me with, “Have you posted it yet”, so hopefully this will spread some Joy and encourage you all to be really honest and authentic in your relationships old and new!

My daughter had this to say: