Blog, Poetry, Thoughts

Never say never….My B-School Scholarship Pitch & Overcoming Shyness, Nervousness & Anxiety

I have been challenged to step out of my comfort zone!

I came across a video of Maria Forleo, a beautiful and inspiring lady that has a business school for creative people. I decided to subscribe to the video series that is the run up to B-School registration and not feeling very flush at the moment I was pleased to see an opportunity for scholarship. The criteria for scholarship wasn’t released until the last-minute. I was already hooked by the content of the videos in which I had clearly seen into the potential of making my dreams come true, of getting my Poetry out to a wider audience and at some stage being published. The “how” to begin the walk along the pathway of that dream had presented itself. I realised through the videos I was wasting a lot of time and was blown away by the fact that these free videos themselves had so much valuable and helpful information.

I have to confess, I don’t really know what I am doing with regards to WordPress and this machine that is the world-wide web! I have in the past been a bit of, what Robert Holden would call, a DIP… Dysfunctionally Independent Person! This tendency originally arose due to self-consciousness, shyness and the resulting inability to ask for help. Rather than go through the pain (and it felt physically painful) of having to interact with another human being in a vulnerable way and possibly get rejected, being of reasonable intellectual aptitude (but lacking emotional intelligence or I would’ve just asked!), I would set to work everything out for myself and eventually got wherever or whatever I needed done in the end.

This is not such a bad thing as it brought out traits of resourcefulness and determination, but one thing Yoga has taught me is that a little support in the right places goes along way. Realistically it takes two minutes to ask someone who already knows which buttons to press, or which route is quickest, to get wherever you need to get to, but for the DIP it can take 2 hours to read through a manual to find out for yourself or while you get lost driving around aimlessly! The other downside to doing it all yourself is that you may, especially if suffering from low self-esteem, doubt your own ability and never feel you are doing things, “right”, even if you are working to a high standard.

Learning to allow ourselves to ask for help and be supported not only saves time but instills us with confidence. In Yoga, a little bit of support, whether it’s by a person or a prop, allows us to relax and as we let go of the struggle a space appears in which we can then choose to move forward into. All the while we are creating muscle memory and eventually we don’t need the support because we have a good, solid foundation that is built on trust. Our body opens a lot quicker than if we continue to struggle alone, not wanting to use props because our ego thinks it makes us look bad and that we don’t know what we are doing! The truth is, we don’t really know what we are doing and life really isn’t any different to Yoga. Experiencing Yoga off our mat so we can experience life fully is Yoga’s highest intention. It has nothing to do with the postures, just like our thoughts have nothing to do with the real “You”.

This shyness of mine didn’t just extend to spoken word interactions. I remember nearly being physically sick the first time I ever engaged in a conversation on an online forum. It felt to me like walking through a minefield with every interaction activating an inner explosion of repressed emotion. I used to write my poetry in the back of notepads and sharing them with even my closest friend would bring on an anxiety attack…so…this scholarship thing was a bit of shock…Post a video on You Tube about yourself and your business and how you can contribute to the world.

Over the years, my Yoga students have often asked me if I would do a DVD as they wanted to practice at home in between classes. At that time I couldn’t even imagine it without breaking out in a sweat. My ego was comparing me to other Yoga teachers who were slimmer, fitter, bendier and could sit in lotus on their head. I thought I was a fraud because “I wasn’t there yet” and didn’t want to draw attention to the fact. But with openness, patience and some amazing teachers, Yoga showed me its Truth and as I let go of what I thought it was and learned to experience it, my teaching has become authentic as I merely share my experience and the life force as it flows through me. More recently people have suggested I should read out my poems, that they are much more powerful when I read them as I know the rhythm and tone in which I have written them. I know where I want the pauses to be and their pace. The more I do it the easier it becomes.

After my initial shock of You Tube, I reminded myself of the Power statement I had created on Sandy Newbiggings New Year Retreat:

“I AM a brave, breathtaking, interesting role model, Yoga teacher, writer and public speaker that inspires and shines so others can shine.”

I chose to Be the above and being a poet thought my scholarship pitch would be best expressed in rhyme! As a result I have set up a You Tube channel (I think, lol!) called The Bendy Witch. The poem shares my journey to give hope to those that through their personality type and life circumstances are experiencing shyness, nervousness, low self-esteem, depression and anxiousness. The fact that I started this blog and have posted to You Tube is living proof that you can overcome all these things. You will at some point, come to realise that with a little faith, bravery and courage, if you can begin let go of who you “think” you are and be open to the wonderful presence of your original self before people started sticking labels on you, that really the only thing stopping you from Being happy and living a fulfilling life Now, is your own thoughts of you. This original presence is already here, it is within you right Now, this very second. Letting go opens the door to Grace. You don’t need to do anything other than let go and be still…then you will really begin experience and know the Truth of your Being.

May my Poetry and blogs on my own unfolding journey of the awakening awareness of this Truth serve as a reminder to you that there is so much more to you than anything you could possibly think. May I inspire you to let go of all that is past so you begin walking the path of freedom Now, in this present moment. Don’t wait until “this or that” happens to Be You….allow “this or that” to happen in the presence of You.

I only had 90 seconds in which to pitch and after various attempts had to ditch a couple of lines in the last verse of the original poem which is below the link. Here it is:

My name is Rachael, I’m in the UK and I’m 43
I’m a mother, Yoga teacher and writer of Poetry
I’m excited to be on U tube for the very first time
And my scholarship pitch is performed for you in rhyme

When I was younger I used to feel blue
Highly sensitive and anxious I’d go hide in the loo
Shy and self-conscious I didn’t want to be seen
Thought the world was against me, wouldn’t let myself dream,

I had trouble expressing my wants and my needs
Let everyone else decide who I was gonna be
Thought Love was out there something I needed to seek
I felt empty and void, pathetic and weak

I got lost in the “labels” and trying to please
Until I found Robert Holden and learned to release
He taught me to let go of all “thoughts” of me
Now the real me emerges and I can clearly see

That the Truth of my Being has always been there
And it has nothing to do with the size of my butt or the colour of my hair!
His Coaching Success unlocked a Poetry sensation
Which resulted in me receiving a standing ovation!

I was told that my words were nourishing to the soul
Started a blog called “The Bendy Witch” and made sharing them my goal
I want to share with the world my journey from self saboteur
To inspirational poet and entrepreneur

These words just flow through me, they come from my heart
They arise to remind us all, we just need to start
Believing in ourselves and that there’s nothing we need to “do”
Just live as your Truth and learn to Be the real You.

And I’m hoping that B-School will see my Poetry’s potential
But to get published and share it a platform is essential
I AM a big-hearted creative but not always practical
B-School will give me the tools to be grounded and tactical

I’d Love to join B-School’s thriving community
Make money, change the world and set my time free
So thank you for listening to my scholarship plea
I really, really do hope that you will choose me B-School 2015 with Marie Forleo – business school for modern entrepreneurs

© Raye – The Bendy Witch

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