So you think your Heart is broken
But your Heart can never break
Its only expectations that
Create a Heart that’s fake
Yes, you may feel a little battered
You may feel a little blue
Fill all the little chips and cracks
With Souls healing Golden glue
Each trial makes you stronger
Each split makes room to grow
Only in the spaces can
New Love and Wisdom flow
So let your tears be cleansing
Wash away old dust and fears
Welcome all your feelings
Even ‘bad” ones treat as dear
Embracing all your shadows
Embracing all your fights
Give hugs to all your demons
Dissolve them into Golden Light
Let your holes be filled with BEaUty
There is no need to hide
Reveal to life your Presence
Wear your Golden scars with pride
Kintsugi is the Japanese art of perfect imperfection and transforming brokenness into valuable Wisdom. I’d not heard of Kintsugi until recently, yet this week it has been popping up everywhere. This poem started to come through at Kezzabelle Amblers Weaving Words Workshop. It’s also inspired by Charlie Morley's book, “Dreaming Through Darkness”. I’m listening to it on audible to help with bouts of sleep paralysis, which has been a pretty common occurrence throughout my life. He suggests instead of running away or slaying your inner demons, to literally give them a hug! It’s a great book full of very useful exercises to help you heal trauma in your sleep. He also talks about the Golden shadow, your potential, so it’s no surprise Kintsugi has been belligerently showing up just make sure I’m listening.
Musings on Kintsugi...
I used to think I was broken and that something was wrong with me. As a child I was very aware that my brain processed things differently from my peers. I was way more clumsy, extremely shy, extremely self conscious and highly sensitive to my environment! It’s difficult if you are a child who has been bullied for such things, to not think there is something wrong you. It seems in this modern world that if you don’t fit into a very narrow bandwidth, it is projected that there is something wrong with you and if you believe that in childhood, as you get older you will experience that projection everywhere you look and therefore set up a pattern where the Universe appears to be proving your belief to be correct. Just like Kintsugi showing up for me all week, what you focus on becomes more visible in your environment.
All children are born open, sensitive, vulnerable, impressionable, and for a child with a literal brain it is very challenging because words are absolute. Words mean what they mean and most people don’t actually say what they mean. You cannot expect a literal brained child to read between the lines. Communication for such a child is a lottery of many variables where the odds of winning are slim. To a highly sensitive child words are also visceral. They cut and they sting or bring immense Joy and sometimes Bliss. So for all children and especially so if you have a sensitive, literal brained child, it is very important that you reflect to them the beauty of themSelves and acknowledge in a healthy way any sensitivity they experience, or they will grow up thinking something is wrong with them, that their sensitivity is a curse when it is actually a Blessing. If you should choose to try to understand your sensitive person or child, they may reveal to you much Wisdom, showing you many variables that you may not have considered and they will reflect to you the shadows in yourSelf that need to be welcomed and transformed from Dark to Golden.
I remember in my twenties going for a Tarot reading and at the end the reader asked me to choose a crystal. I chose a beautiful, oval faceted crystal with a chip in it. She said, “This how you see yourSelf. As defective. You need to learn to see the beauty in yourSelf like you see the beauty in this crystal.” I have always had an immense capacity to love the broken in others, yet never, until recently, never extended the same Love to my own perceived failings. I realise for many years I was trying to patch up my cracks from the outside. Always doubting mySelf and therefore asking unconsciously, “Am I Lovable?” Instead of knowing that of course I AM Lovable, simply because I exist.
My brokenness was always seeking outside approval and validation as the glue to hold mySelf together. It took me a long time to realise that the glue that actually held me together came not from the outside but from the Wisdom within my own Heart. I realised that the ideas of “me” and my often unconscious expectations were constantly breaking and the Wisdom in me was always there to fill the gaps, until I outgrew my Self and broke again and again and again.
Snakes shed their old skins Gracefully unlike humans that often stubbornly refuse to grow. If you don’t shed the outdated versions of yourself they become a veil that distorts your vision and blocks the light of your Soul from shining out through your eyes. Your energy implodes instead of radiates, you become dull while you try to hold onto the “skin” you have become too comfortable in, when your birthright is to be luminous. Life has given me no choice but to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Interestingly the path of comfort is limiting for Consciousness which by it’s very Nature is constantly seeking to expand. You are constantly, changing, growing and evolving whether you are consciously aware of it or not. If you can accept this Now, discomfort becomes exciting because you know that Joy is bubbling up beneath it. It needn’t be feared but welcomed for it it simply your Golden shadow as your untapped potential, trying to find its way out into the world.
Your Gold is to be shared not hoarded, for this inner wealth is inexhaustible. Like a river of Grace eternally flowing from the womb of the Dark Mother, you are the vessel that gives birth to her Golden Light. Blessing you in your inner strength, your bravery and your courage to give birth to your Golden shadow.
Proud Mother, Writer, Written and Spoken Word Poet, Yoga Teaching, Meditating ex Monk, Paddle Boarding, Wake Skating, Ice Skating, Nature loving Bendy Witch! Also... A Shamanic Practitioner... Loves Dragons and Faeries, all things Magickal and most things fluffy (as long as they are not pink and don't growl). Is possibly the incarnation of Alice in Wonderland.
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