Blog, Thoughts

Little White Feather

Feeling a little ungrounded yesterday with all the wind of late, I decided to go for a run. It was like the wind had churned my subconscious into a multicoloured glob of Play-Doh and I was struggling to find a single colour to begin the sculpting of my day. I sensed that my inner volume was heading to mute and having learned to recognise the signs over time, as I ran, I called upon Archangel Gabriel to assist me this day in communicating and writing.

When I get lost in the mixed up Play-Doh brain my tongue literally feels like it’s been tied in a knot and I feel like I’m stuck in a glass bubble with no door, looking out at the world yet I can’t connect with it. It’s like my voice is outside the glass, everything outside merges and congeals and I can’t make sense of anything in that moment. I can’t speak. This has been very frustrating for my Loved ones for there appears to be no rhyme or reason for it.

When in this state, although in itself it is quite Peaceful, if I’d panic and get frustrated, the glass would break and I’d feel like I was drowning in a whirlpool of melted, out of date raspberry and chocolate ripple. As I went from feeling nothing to feeling everything, I’d lose my breath as I’d unconsciously try to force myself out of a body that could not cope with the overwhelm. This flipping back and forth to such extreme played havoc with my nervous system, which through years of hyperventilating had become fully loaded, like an Uzi with no safety catch. I would never know when it would go off and was always on edge! My bullets emerged as fountains of tears, uncontrollable, that had been swallowed until the urn of my body cracked and I could hold them no more. Every time this happened the fear of it happening again would dig the crevice deeper, anxiety would mould itself into a time bomb but really it was my life force, my inner Joy, trying to split me apart and shatter the false notions of my experience.

Since I have been Ascending (a form of meditation as taught by The Bright path Ishayas) my nervous system has literally breathed a sigh of relief! I became aware that the wind this week had acted like a trigger to my sensitive body (as it had for my cats and dog!). My attention had become a needle stuck in a “groove” and it’s song was not a happy one. The great thing about The Bright Path Ascension is you can do it with your eyes open. As I began to bring into my awareness an Ascension “Attitude”, I began to feel instantly more relaxed. Ascension is akin to moving the needle out of the too loud, out of tune, depressing record playing in your head, into a vibrant, energised, yet Peaceful symphony of silence. Even this description doesn’t do Ascension justice, as awareness isn’t a needle, we just make it so when we focus on and think we are our thoughts and physical body.

As I ran, I turned the corner to see this little glowing white feather and I was instantly reminded that all is well, that there is no need to panic. There is no need to batten down the hatches when the angsty wind comes or to hide away in fear of looking stupid or dumb. These Play-Doh moments are just a call from my Soul to Be Still, to let go, to stop trying so damn hard to make sense of things, to stop struggling, to stop, to rest in that which is real.

Anyone that has ever played with Play-Doh knows that once its all mixed up trying to separate the colours again is futile. Our thoughts are like Play-Doh…sometimes they get mixed up. Fortunately we are not our thoughts and as we let go of trying to unravel them, let go of even trying to make sense of them and shift our awareness, through attitude, into the still, silent context of our content, Grace creates a rainbow bridge to guide us safely home, back to Peace, back to Presence. In an instant we can be living again, fully alert, fully present, fully engaged and in awe of this wonderful life.

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