It was time for a well deserved break. Raw chocolate and raspberry tart with Jasmin Dragon Pearls tea to the rescue and a little update on instagram or so I thought. Well no actually, we appear to have got on the blog train and there’s no time like the Present, which is what the blog is really all about!
I’ve been very busy, setting dates for my new Yoga and Meditation classes, updating Facebook pages for The Granary Yoga Studio & Cabin (where I’ll be based) and building a new website for my Blue Star Therapies business relaunch! I noticed my hyper focusing tendency has kicked in. It can be very helpful in times like these when I need to get things done fast. The only trouble is that everything else doesn’t exist…until it does.
It’s like when you’ve got a camera (your awareness) with a fancy super duper magnifying zoom lens ( the hyper focused awareness). You are in the Forest (subconscious mind or imagination), hoping to catch a picture of a majestic deer (a great idea). While you are waiting, there is so much beauty, it’s so still and you get so curious and fascinated by all the colours, shapes, textures and patterns that your lens reveals, as you play with finding the right angle and getting the best light. Then the deer appears, seemingly out of nowhere (Clarity), you get your picture, objective is achieved and everything else comes back into focus. Only then do you realise it’s getting dark and that you completely lost track of all time. You were meant to meet your friend down the pub two hours ago. You check your phone and it’s got 5 missed calls none of which you heard…
I could, if I was really, really, really attentive, learn to catch myself before I zoom in, but Truth be known, much of the time I don’t want to. You see it’s in this space of no time that the greatest ideas are born, the most beautiful poems are written and the melodies already formed in the Ether are heard. What I am learning (very slowly I might add), is to be more discerning of what catches my attention and to make sure it is in line with my goals, Hearts desires and what I wish to give birth to before I zoom in. For instance, losing hours investigating the meaning of birth path numbers is great for when I’m making numerology charms (so nothing is ever lost really) but won’t help me get my website built by the end of the week, that will make clients aware of my Yoga classes which start the week after! I’m learning to not get on a train that’s not going to the station I want to get to, cos once I’m on it, the destination is set and it appears near on impossible to get off the train to stop once it’s left the station without someone coming and blowing up the track with dynamite!
I used to get very frustrated with mySelf. These days, practicing discernment allows me a little Grace, and Grace offers me immediate forgiveness if I get on a train that might take me on a detour! I’ve learnt that whatever route I take, as soon as I realise I’ve arrived at a different station, I just get on a train thats heading in the direction I want. I always get there in the end. The route is often not how my mind would have liked it but there’s always something to new to see and learn on the way!
In my “break” today, I noticed my guitar, so I decided in that moment to pick it up and have a practice as it’s not been out the case since well before Christmas. This time learning guitar, I am determined to not have to go back to square 1. I will not have my finger pads peel off again. I am determined to keep it up despite my hyper focusing on business having kicked in! It has taken me well over a week to realise I haven’t practiced my guitar but this is progress. I noticed after a week or so, not 6 months, or sometimes it’s been two years! Now I have noticed, I have a choice. I can choose to press the reset button. Only Now. Next time I might notice in 4 days…The time after 2 days…Maybe I’ll practice everyday now for evermore. It matters not. The only thing that matters is that when I notice, I choose to act on my Hearts desire Now. It can be that easy.
There’s only one thing that makes it, and not fulfilling your New Years (or last years!) resolutions not easy and that’s listening to the nay saying voice in your head…
That’s the voice that wants drag you back into the past, that tells you, “You’re useless”, or, “You’re rubbish cos’ you forgot again.”
The voice that says, “I told you you couldn’t do it”, or “I told you you wouldn’t stick to it.”
The voice that says, “You are worthless and you may as well just not bother.”
It will haunt you, but don’t listen as the voice is not “You”. It’s really just a ghost. You have to see this and experience this and begin to believe it’s true.
Sometimes the voice can appear as a poltergeist outside your head too, apparently possessing your family and some of your so called friends, who reflect to you your own worst fears about yourSelf. To exist it needs to feed and it will tell you anything to keep you small, because when you are small you are in fear and when you are in fear it feasts and grows bigger and fatter than the turkey that was on your plate at Christmas.
There’s no point trying to pretend it’s not there. It will pester you until you take notice. It really just wants to be acknowledged. It’s trying to help you in a not very helpful way but it doesn’t know any better. It can only guide you based on the past and what other people have told it. That’s all it knows. It wants to be set free.
Like earthbound spirits that have no rest, your erroneous thoughts that you hold on tightly to are trying to find their way back to the Source from which they came. That doorway home is through our own conscious awareness. The key to the door is our attention. In our conscious awareness they are absorbed to be born again as Love and Compassion for ourSelf and others. Seriously, would you openly talk to others the way the voice talks to You? Would you allow someone to talk to your best friend like that? You’d tell your friend the voice was talking bollocks. Become your own friend.
No matter how many times you appear to go off track (or in my case get stuck on a track!), as soon as you realise waste no time. Choose again. When the voice gets the better of you, as soon as you notice, come back to what’s in front of you. Waste no time reprimanding yourSelf for listening to the voice. Err…Yes…In case you didn’t realise that’s still the voice! Simply choose again. Remind yourSelf the voice is not real and that you can choose to do anything you want to. Whether you will or not is then a matter of discernment.
I’m telling you this Now because you are likely going to set New Years resolutions soon and in a couple of weeks the voice is gonna get very loud. Like when you are aching from going to the gym as you’ve not been for months, the voice tells you you should be ready for the Olympics by now and because you can’t crack a walnut with your butt cheeks after two weeks in the gym (come on!) it wants to throw in the towel. Or like when your granny offers your favourite family recipe best cake ever on the day your boss is a complete and utter wazzock and you really don’t want to upset her, so you eat it, and the voice makes you feel so guilty you just have to have another piece because you feel so bad.
Yes…That voice. I’m sure you all know it well. Some of you are convinced it’s you. The Truth is it’s only you if you consciously or unconsciously decide that it is.
In 2019, let’s all have the intention to change our relationship with, “The voice”. Let’s have the intention to not believe everything it says. Lets be more discerning with it…Allow some space around it for other possibilities. Let’s stay open and curious as to whether there is actually more than the voice, more Wisdom, more Love, more Compassion, more potential to realised, more opportunity that we can embrace if we can just give life a chance. Let us be open, willing, receptive and curious to what happens if we don’t listen to it, don’t hold it’s every word as gospel, but give it lovingly to the space within which will transform it into something that is nurturing, encouraging and supportive.
Let us soften so our courage and strength can support us from the inside out…Let’s allow our life to unfold like a beautiful Waltz, no longer marching to the drum of our inner Mini Me Dictator in fear of getting the steps wrong. That’s how we learn. That’s how we grow. That’s how we can have our cake, enjoy it and be satisfied with one piece. That’s how we can take a break from the gym for a day and read a good book instead while our muscles recover and the next day we can’t wait to get back on the treadmill. Do you see…The voice makes it hard…You can make it easy.
Forgive yourSelf now for all the times you made it hard in the past…And all the times you will make it hard in the future. And when you notice you are making it hard by listening to the voice, remember that you have already forgiven yourSelf and choose again for ease. It takes time to dissolve these old grooves and patterns that may have been playing the same old song for years, but you can rewrite the lyrics and compose a brand new melody in any moment that you become aware.
One of the biggest traps to Success (whatever that looks like to you), is to not learn the new dance steps required to manifest your dreams because you think with what you know Now, you could’ve done it twenty years ago. This too is the voice. And no you couldn’t. You can only choose Now, at the moment that you See. Everything before helped you reached this moment so thank the past and Bless it. It’s never too late.
Now is the time to start dancing. Now is time to start playing. Sometimes Now is the time to have a good cry….Don’t resist…Give your tears up and you will feel lighter and brighter when your cup is emptied and ready to filled up with brand new experiences. You were not designed to hold in your tears, you were designed to flow like a bubbling spring.
Blessing you in your renewed Faith in yourSelf. Blessing you in your Perseverance. Blessing you in your Tenacity. Blessing you in your Courage to believe in more than your limiting thoughts. Blessing you in your Bravery to learn new ways of Being. Blessing you in claiming the Love you deserve for no other reason than you exist. Blessing you in your Peace of mind in whatever you are doing now, whether Magical or Mundane.
The same Presence, your Presence, permeates every moment. Keep coming back to that and however far you appear to have strayed, in a moment you can be home.