Our relationship with our Self is the most important one that any of us have. It determines how we see the world and is directly related to how we perceive Success. In Yoga terms Success is union with our Self (capital S!) Yoga, through this union, can help us to cultivate healthy relationships, first inwardly with our Self, by giving us the tools to explore who we really are so we feel comfortable in our own skin, which then outwardly affects all our other relationships. How we see our Self literally determines our success in any given moment. If we can’t experience the real Love of our Selves then how can we really Love another?
One of my teachers, Robert Holden, says we all have a Success Contract lurking in our subconscious. This contract that we didn’t even know we had written, determines what Success actually is for us and how much Success we will allow ourselves to achieve at any given time. It’s like a computer program inconspicuously running in the background!
It’s made up of all the things that we “think” we can do and all the things we “think” we can’t do. It’s made up of our own judgements of ourselves and other people’s judgements of ourselves that we chose to believe. Most of it is complete and utter codswallop, not relevant in any way to Now! The good news however, is that we can consciously choose to rewrite it.
The only way to successfully rewrite our Success Contract is to listen to our Heart, to express our innermost Heart’s calling and allow that to determine what Success actually is for us. When we truly enter the Heart, live from the Heart space, there is nothing to be done other than express the essence of who we are Now, for the Heart is always full and all that is left to “do” is share the Love contained within it!
The mind would often have us believe otherwise. To the mind Success is often in the future…It hasn’t happened yet, or if it has, it’s been fleeting. When we live by the dictates of a limiting and dominating mind it can feel that our Heart is a hole, that there’s a void that constantly needs to be filled, that until we do this or that, get that next qualification, write that book, get that promotion, have those designer shoes, whatever it is, we are not a Success and yet when we achieve what we thought we wanted or needed, we are not fulfilled for long. This is because the ego (shadow) of the mind can’t actually experience Love.
I’ll repeat that again…
The ego (shadow) of the mind can’t actually experience Love.
If our Heart feels empty it’s because we are not actually Present to it. We are lost in ideas of Love instead of directly experiencing it.
Nothing the mind can contrive comes close to the Love one experiences of the Self. It may have memories of loving moments but they are not real Now. For us to experience Love Now the mind needs to rest in the Present. Minds only job is to Praise this life, give Gratitude, extend and direct the Love and Compassion of the Heart. Notice how the greatest insights and moments of inspiration just seem to pop into ones mind. They involve no thinking whatsoever. If we become very aware we will See that most great ideas usually arrive fully formed!
The Love in the Heart guides the mind towards Praise and Gratitude, Praise being a powerful force that uplifts the Spirit. Genuine Gratitude activates the law of attraction. If we are always floating off in our mind, or on auto-pilot, or constantly worrying about things that may never happen, we are not here Now, not Present to what is, and we will have nothing new to be Grateful for.
What we focus on grows because what we believe in is the filter through which we see. The mind likes to collect evidence to support its beliefs. When we are not Present this programming of beliefs is what’s driving our vehicle. It’s our auto-pilot setting, the small self, called the shadow self, because it’s not real. It is a concoction of our current beliefs and conditioning.
Opening our Heart and our eyes to this moment we begin to See the BEaUty that is already before us. The Heart appreciates the air we breathe, the food and shelter the Earth provides, the Love that is already here inside us in the Present. Beliefs are just thoughts we cling onto tightly that we claim as our self, that we define ourselves by and then feel devastated when they are shattered. We can waste a lot of time trying to live up to other people’s ideas, their thoughts of Success, instead of Being guided by our own Heart, our own SOUL…Source Of Unconditional Love.
For instance, how many of us reading this feel on some level that we haven’t lived up to our parents expectations? Maybe they wanted us to be a doctor or a lawyer, because that’s what they were conditioned to believe is a successful career, but actually our heart wants be a…..(fill in the gap!)
Robert says in Success Intelligence, that Success is really just living our purpose. To know our purpose we need to listen to our Heart. To listen to our Heart, we need to be communicating with it and be aware of its immense Presence! To have a good relationship with our Self is to Love our Self enough to be authentic. When we are authentic, the Love inside us shines out! We don’t need to convince anybody who we are, we don’t need to justify our Self, we just need to be who we really are, beyond the veil of beliefs, at any given moment!
A little Self enquiry can help us enter the Heart, so let’s place our hand on our Heart now, and connect with it. Listen to your heartbeat, feel it. This in itself is a great way to ground, to come back into our body when the mind is running wild.
It’s good to grab a pen and paper or journal for this, so if you are short on time now come back to it later and prioritise some time to get to know your Self a little more intimately.
Ask it the following questions, then just listen. Wait for the answer to arrive…
Do I see my Self through the lens of the mind or the experience of the Heart?
How does this directly influence my Success?
What is written in my Success Contract? Is it serving me? What do I want to change?
How does Success look Now if I rest in my Heart Now?
What does my Heart want me to know right Now?
If you notice you are trying to work out the answers you’ve moved back into mind. Also it’s important to let any tears that may arise as you move into the Heart flow freely. Sometimes it gets a little overjoyed to be seen, heard and felt! Crying is as natural as breathing, any thoughts to the contrary are beliefs that you might want to change in your Success contract! You’ll feel so much lighter as a result. Play with noticing the difference in the quality of your experience when the Heart and Mind are working in Harmony.
Yoga wise, gentle backbends are great heart openers such as Bhujangasana (Cobra), Setu Bandasana (Bridge), as are the deeper backbends Danurasana (Bow), Ustrasana (Camel), Urdhva Danurasana (Wheel).
Always get the guidance of a qualified Yoga teacher when moving into deeper backbends. You need a lot of awareness in the core to protect the lower back from compression. Practice staying present through the whole of your experience by moving into and out of Asana with Presence and awareness.
Alternatively if Yoga’s not your thing try this:
• Place you hands together in a prayer like position at your heart.
• Sit/stand tall and press your palms together.
• Feel your shoulder blades flatten on to your back, arm bones plug in and front chest/collar bones widen.
• Take a few deep breaths here, using your diaphragm, enjoying the feeling of openness in your chest.
• Release and repeat a few times.
• Use this simple technique anytime your head and heart feels heavy!
Start noticing how it is so much easier to transform your state the more aware, present and alert you become.
May we all come home to our Heart and may we notice all the little (and maybe big!) Blessings that are already Present in our life Now. What we take for granted eventually leaves us… If we are not Present to it why would it stay? What we are Grateful for become seeds that Blossom in our future as the Divine scent of synchronicity, scattering our path with soft petals beneath our feet that cushion us when we think we fall.
All the help and support we need is available (and often closer than we think) when Love is encouraging to grow stronger, if only we can stay Present to See it instead of looking for it.
©️The Bendy Witch
2 thoughts on “Why Our Relationship With Our Self Is The Most Important One…”
Absolutely love this one xxxx
Thank you Veronica 🙏🏼Xx