The Wood Pigeon Waltz

Two little wood pigeons
Sitting on the roof
One all playful
The other aloof

“Come dance with me”, says one
“No” says the other, “I’m very shy”
“But it’s fun”, he says “Don’t be afraid
It’s really worth a try

You don’t have to worry
I’ll show you how it’s done
Just let your Joy take over
Then shine brightly like the sun”

“But what if the others laugh at me
Or I fall down on my bum!”
“It honestly doesn’t matter” he says
“As long as You are having fun”

“Okay” She coo’s, “I’ll have go”
They both begin fly
Dancing the wood pigeon waltz
Across a beautiful clear blue sky

Short but sweet, this poem came about after having a conversation with my Mum about why I had pretty much refused to let out my poetry…one of the reasons my ego had come up with was that I didn’t think I had anything to say or anything interesting to write. I was worrying that I may have writers block in the future so wouldn’t let myself open up to the inspiration all around me and was also afraid that if I did open up to inspiration that I wouldn’t be able to stop writing and therefore become even less organised than I am already and unable to function in my daily life, which had happened in the past. These two fears are, I can see now, are the two ends of the same pole! I was not in the present with regards to my writing at all. Just before I went on Coaching Success with Robert Holden I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I wasn’t ever going to write and I would tell Mum to back off and to let go of any notions of me writing ever again. The trouble is, if it is in you and you are to be your authentic self…it has to come out!

I sat the following morning contemplating the conversation and thought of the first fear. I opened up to the wisdom within me and asked, ” What if I have nothing to write about?” The reply came quite clearly as, “Do not fear, there are hundreds of things around you to inspire you, if you open your eyes and really see them”.

I looked out of the window and saw the wood pigeons sat on the roof of my cabin. I’d often watch them dance together around the garden and thought how beautiful their dance, observing how they always seemed to have a conversation first. So I wrote the first line as I saw it, opened to Grace and out came the poem.

It intrigued me that shyness had popped in to say hello. Shyness has always been an issue for me and there were many times in my childhood that I so wanted to dance at parties and really just needed some patience, positive encouragement and reassurance. I was often met with the opposite…impatience, intolerance and frustration!

I can see how frustrating it must have been to be trying to have a conversation with me at that time. I cannot explain fully in words the intense feeling of having to look into someone’s eyes, so I would look anywhere else, hug myself tightly and zone out. In this state I found it difficult to speak at all and if I did something completely incoherent would fly from my lips, followed by a hot flush of blood to my cheeks…or worse…the tears. The overwhelming, uncontrollable, often unexplainable tears!

I remember dancing like crazy in our living room to my stepdads 45″ Motown when no one was looking but would become devastated if I realised my Mum had been peeking round the door! I used to figure skate and was quite adept while practising when no one was paying me any attention, but as soon as eyes were on me, and Mum would come and watch at the barrier, I’d fall on my bum when attempting jumps that five minutes previously I’d been landing quite happily. I was very accident prone generally so figure skating may not have been the best choice of sport for me! I dare say I will share at some point some funny now, but not so at the time, stories regarding this unfortunate tendency.

Shyness and self consciousness need to met with Love and Patience and in my own personal experience and from what I have seen in others, shy people are often highly sensitive and the world to them feels intense which aggravates and increases anxiety. Shy people may not feel safe to be themselves, or feel safe in their environment for a variety of reasons. Crowds, noises, bright lights, multiple conversations, may cause a highly sensitive and shy person to become overwhelmed. Aloofness can be a way for shy people to disassociate from intense feelings and emotions…see it for what it is and treat it with Love not judgement.

Shy people often have low self esteem and whats there gets chipped away with every failed social interaction. Many highly sensitive people that I know seem to have an integrity radar which can be unnerving to others, an inbuilt truth detector if you like. I personally find that in conversations where the body language and actual language don’t add up, I am unable to respond effectively as I am unsure of which language to respond to…this inner processing conflict causes much anxiety.

It has taken me pretty much 40 years to come to terms with my shyness, sensitivity and the self consciousness and anxiety that accompanies it. It probably took so long because I learned to hide it well. What I have learnt now is the more I own these qualities, don’t apologise for them and accept their presence in my experience (in other words, just Be me as a highly sensitive person and Love myself that way) the easier it is for me to socialise and feel happy with my life. I am usually the first up to dance these days so do not think that if you experience any of the above that you are doomed to a life sitting in the corner, although when you accept and understand your sensitivity you may choose to sit in the corner anyway as it offers some boundary to less stimulus!

As you learn to truly Love who you are, and apply the positive qualities of empathy and compassion that come with sensitivity to yourself, as you learn to give yourself much needed “processing” time and space which may include a bit of crying for no reason that cannot be explained (so don’t even try to explain it!), as you begin to hear clearly the voice of Love, your authentic self speaking and know that that voice deserves as much as any other to be heard, the world will embrace the beauty that is you and you will enhance the world for sharing your kind, gentle and beautiful Spirits.

If you have a shy and sensitive person in your life remember actions and integrity speak far louder than spoken words which often feel harsh even if not intended that way. Try not to give off mixed messages and if verbal communication is not forthcoming, don’t force it. You could try communication through written word or pictures works better or sitting back to back whilst speaking can decrease the intensity. Create a safe, peaceful space, where silence is acceptable not uncomfortable and your delicate flower may just blossom.

Anyone for a waltz….